‘I did have a romcom romance in my 20s. We met at an airport when I nearly walked off with his charger while waiting for my connecting flight’: Woman started wondering about the life that never happened after marrying her now husband

Author image for Olivia Arocena
Olivia Arocena • Writer and Editor
Jul 31, 2026 9:45 PM EDT

Shoulda woulda coulda

Marrying the right person doesn't feel like the movies told us it would feel, and that's ok. One has to work very hard not to get caught up in the what-ifs, because they are a trap. She could've continued with that other relationship, for example, and maybe she would've wasted her time with something that felt so romantic at first but never became a fruitful relationship. Or maybe if it eventually became a fruitful relationship, she might then have started wondering whether she made the right decision or whether she should've stayed single longer. I personally believe that those fantasies are only that, fantasies, and that they show us what we want to bring back to our lives. It could be love, excitement, newness, anything; but the fantasy is there for a reason. I don't think what ifs necessarily reflect anything about the life not lived; they only reflect our current desires.

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  • woman leaning against door while holding her cheek
    via Paola Aguilar

    The woman imagining another life

    Subject is a model

  • I’m marrying the right person and grieving a life that was never going to happen

    I (F32) consider myself a pretty content person. I'm in a healthy relationship with someone (M35) who's caring, stable, and whose values line up with mine almost perfectly. We met in 2020, mid-
    via semiotics_gal
  • pan mic, through a mutual friend who happens to be his cousin. We're building a great life together, he's a doctor, I'm a product manager in a Big 4. We've followed the "conventional" route the
    via semiotics_gal
  • whole way: became friends, started talking every day, started dating, moved in together after a healthy stretch, got engaged. No drama, no plot twist that ever really tested us. I love him. He has the most beautiful
    via semiotics_gal
  • heart. And ever since we got engaged, it's started to dawn on me that I'll never fall in love again, and I've been reminiscing. I did have a romcom
    via semiotics_gal
  • romance in my 20s. We met at an airport when I nearly walked off with his charger while waiting for my connecting flight. Long distance, international, the works. I could never bring myself to commit to it. We
    via semiotics_gal
  • were young, I had no way to relocate, and realistically there was no future there. But it lasted two years. We'd visit, be together for the length of the trip, then go back to our real lives and pick the friendship back up. It ended with a
    via semiotics_gal
  • woman lying on bed surrounded by photos
    via ian dooley

    The woman remembering that romcom love

    Image is illustrative

  • goodbye in France in 2017. We agreed to move on, and we did. We still follow each other on IG. He's dating a beautiful girl and I'm genuinely happy for him. Up until 2024 we'd text
    via semiotics_gal
  • now and then, and he even met my fiancé once while traveling. I used to think we'd always have a bond. Let me be clear: he wasn't the guy. I know it, he knows it. But the last time we talked about what
    via semiotics_gal
  • happened between us, he told me that even though he's happy and stable now, deep down he knows his girlfriend will never quite get him the way I did. I'd be lying if I said that didn't move something in me. He'll always hold a version
    via semiotics_gal
  • of me that was young and full of possibility, and I don't think my fiancé will ever meet that version. There are things I've made peace with never being. I won't be an academic genius who wins a Nobel
    via semiotics_gal
  • in physics. I won't be an acclaimed film critic. I won't be a billionaire. But there was a version of me who felt like the world was endless, and I think that's the one I'm actually grieving. Maybe the TikTok influencers have finally
    via semiotics_gal
  • gotten to me and I'm missing the drama of a romcom, even though I already lived one, minus the happy ending. Maybe it's just wedding jitters. Idk.
    via semiotics_gal
  • filmfoto Oh and also! just because you don't 100% know you'll have those experiences again doesn't mean they are gone. They are you. That doesn't just cease
    via semiotics_gal
  • catinnameonly I can tell you as someone who's been married for 23 years. You can fall out of back in love with the same person again and again. You change, they change, life changes.
    via semiotics_gal
  • closeup of engagement ring
    via Daniel Gutko

    The value of commitment

    Representative image

  • Counterfactual thinking carries a risk; we can become obsessed with something we have no way of proving would’ve gone that way, and rumination can seriously take a lot of time and energy that we will never get back. We should be brave enough to accept there is no way of knowing what would’ve happened or whether the decisions we made were the best; we can only do something about what we are now and about our lives now. To me, this kind of thinking is sort of addictive, and I get why it’s so hard to put it down, but we should aim to be smarter than that and cut it off at the root. After all, all we’ve got is the present moment, right?



     

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relationship advice marriage marriage drama relationships toxic relationship
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